I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize