they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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