Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
