Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
