He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
