Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
