it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
