You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
