I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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