no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
