Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize