Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
