I could have mohawked her pubes.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
