I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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