dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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