I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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