i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
