i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
