are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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