Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
In other news, I just burned my penis
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
