do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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