Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
