when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
