New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
