I want you more than these girls want KFC
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love having hate sex.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
