Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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