I love black thongs
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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