Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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