Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
