this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
