not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize