I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
