You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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