Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
