i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
