am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
