I just cut my nipple shaving
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
