i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
