Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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