I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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