Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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