BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
