Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
