Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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