at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
