why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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