i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
