just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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