wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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