Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
