Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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