I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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