My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
