She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
