sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize