So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
