Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
40s are totally the cure
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize