I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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