I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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