fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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