Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
