My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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