I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
