Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
