My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize