If that was your dad, he is hot
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
