Your mouth is God's brothel.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
